


Lost but found

by AshAndSnow



Series: Bad prompt mashups [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Circus, DUM-E's smoothies, Howard Stark's Bad Parenting, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, One Night Stands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:22:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27226507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshAndSnow/pseuds/AshAndSnow
Summary: As a kid, Tony had high hopes for his future with Stark Industries. As an adult, he finds himself highly disappointed in both his work, and the person it has turned him into. But one chance meeting might change that for good.Or: Loki’s in the circus, and Tony sees a way out.(Prompts:1. Dream job changed you for the worst2. You decide to run away with the circus)
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Series: Bad prompt mashups [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1987786
Comments: 6
Kudos: 59





	Lost but found

i.

At age four, Anthony Edward Stark builds his first circuit board.

”Daddy,” he cries, tugging on his father’s sleeve. ”Daddy! Come see!”

But daddy doesn’t come.

Not at first, at least. He’ll see it later, and he’ll be there to put an arm around Tony for the cameras, ready to proudly show off his son’s work.

(Tony will bask in it. It isn’t until much later, before he realizes he isn’t inextricably tangled with his accomplishments, that he can and should be treated as an entity unto himself. He is four, and he is simply glad that his father is almost hugging him for once.)

For now, Howard brushes him off. ”Go away, I’m busy,” he says. ”Vera!” he calls, turning to look over his shoulder as he calls for Tony’s nanny. ”Take the kid, I can’t have him under my feet right now.”

At age four, Anthony Edward Stark realizes that his father must love his work very, very much.

ii.

At age six, Anthony Edward Stark builds his first engine.

”Dad, look what I did! I finished it! I really finished it!”

”In a minute,” Howard grumbles. Tony knows that means at least an hour will pass.

Still, Tony waits patiently. He’s done it, he’s really done it. He finished the engine, and Howard will hug him, when he sees it.

Two hours pass, and then Howard finally has the time to come take a look. It must pass inspection, because he nods with satisfaction, and then he makes some calls.

By the end of the day, cameramen have been by. They took pictures and asked questions, and Tony was aglow the entire time, because his daddy pulled him close while they smiled for the cameras.

It does not last. Once the cameramen have left, Howard calls for Marilyn, his nanny, and asks her to take him away. He has work to do. Stark Industries won’t run itself.

At age six, Anthony Edward Stark discovers that Stark Industries is the road to his father’s heart.

iii.

At age seventeen, Anthony Edward Stark graduates summa cum laude from MIT.

He’s proud as a peacock the entire day, and he beams with pride when Maria, Jarvis, and Ana all hug him after the ceremony is over.

He’s jumped every hurdle put in front of him with nothing less than absolute splendor. He’s passed every exam with flying colors, and he’s bested every single assignment put in front of him, easy as a child’s crossword puzzle. He’s absolutely killed his work here, and he’s ready for the rest of his life to come at him.

His glow dims considerably, when he asks his mother about his father, and she has to admit that Howard is working.

But Tony forces himself to cheer up.

At age seventeen, Anthony Edward Stark is finally ready to become part of Stark Industries, and now his father will finally love him.

iv.

At age seventeen Anthony Edward Stark very, very quickly comes to realize something crucial; his father’s love cannot be bought, earned, or stolen, no matter what he does.

It’s the same old pattern, even now that Tony works for him. Unless he has something new and useful to show, something that will catch his father’s eye and interest, Howard thinks Tony is just as much in the way as he always has.

It’s a punch to the gut. And it’s not something he’s equipped to cope with.

On some level, he suspects that he always knew his father didn’t love him. Ever since he was small, he knew; only, he was too young to understand or work through it. So at first he pushed it away, denying to himself that there was an issue at all. That transformed into rage for a short while, hot and burning bright, anger filling him up when nothing else would. After that, he’d spent more than a decade trying to bargain; if only he did this, if only he did that, once he reached level A, B, or C, his father would love him.

Now Tony’s stuck in depression, and he cannot move onto acceptance and complete the cycle.

But without love and support from his father, and without acceptance of this fact, his depression transforms him into one, big, gaping hole.

At age seventeen, Anthony Edward Stark starts trying to fill the void.

v.

At age 23, Anthony Edward Stark is woken by somebody screaming.

It takes him a second to realize, that the screaming is, indeed, coming from a girl in his bed, and that it isn’t just his head complaining under the immense weight of his current hangover.

”Wha---?” he grunts, blinks awake, sits up. He blearily takes stock of the room. Clothes everywhere, both his and – presumably – the girl in his bed’s. Bottles, drained, all sporting top shelf labels. A hint of white powder dusting his bedside table.

A morning like any other. Aside from the screaming.

As if on cue, the girl screams again.

”What the hell is that!?” she shrieks, and it prompts Tony to look towards the doorway, the direction in which she gestured, and then… laugh.

She’s scared, of all things, of DUM-E. DUM-E with the most disgusting smoothie in the history of mankind (that says a lot – DUM-E, despite his enthusiasm, is a poorly gifted smoothie maker).

”He’s harmless,” Tony promises her, rolling out of bed. It’s not helping his hangover, but he’s not about to spend all day in bed. He’s got work to do, cheeseburgers to eat, and a one night stand to escape.

”He’s terrifying,” she argues (Tony doesn’t remember her name, it occurs to him, but he doesn’t really care – he’ll be out of this room in a minute, and she’ll be out of his place in ten).

”Well, if he bugs ya,” he says, buttoning the pants he just pulled on, and then snatching a shirt to slip into on his way out, ”you’re free to leave.”

At age 23, Anthony Edward Stark leaves yet another unnamed conquest to make their way out of his apartment.

vi.

At age 26, Tony meets Loki.

He’s tall, dark, and handsome, and he’s unlike anyone, Tony’s ever met before.

”Can I buy you a drink?” Tony asks, a pretty standard move, and he’s surprised when Loki shakes his head.

”No, thank you, but,” Loki gestures to the seat next to him, ”you may join me, if you’d like.”

Oh, Tony sure would like.

It’s not quite the brand of flirtation Tony’d usually go for; accepting a drink is usually an easy to path into mindless compliments and hollow remarks, traded back and forth until both parties are suitably drunk enough to go home together.

Sitting, however… Sitting implies talking. Talking implies that they’ll have to say something with some modicum of meaning. It implies effort. Attention. Caring.

It’s so far off Tony’s usual style, and rather than finding himself backing away from it, Tony’s intrigued.

”Sure. Alright. I’ll join,” he agrees, sitting down. ”You gonna vet me, or something? Grill me until you’re reasonably sure I’ll be worth your time?”  
  
Tony says it as a joke, but Loki nods. ”Yes,” he says, matter of factly. ”I’ve little time, and none of it to spare if you cease to interest me.”  
  
Tony’s spine’s tingling with the promise of a challenge, issued by a beautiful man, no less.

And Loki turns out to be magnificent, and well worth the effort. They are talking for hours, and Tony’s never bored.

Tony learns that Loki loves snakes, but he finds dragons basic. He’s a sweet tooth, and could live on strawberries and cream, if it wouldn’t be so bad for his waistline. He loves fantasy novels, and gets worked up by how underrated Susanna Clarke is, but his favourite novel is by ML Rio and has nothing to do with fantasy and a lot more to do with Shakespeare, academia, and murder. He wanted to be a figure skater as a child, but he is a performer with the family business now (he refuses to specify, no matter how much Tony tries to poke at it), which he does love, and which is the entire reason Loki is in town.

When they say goodbye, Tony is left with nothing but a number. He doesn’t even get a kiss, and he certainly isn’t trying to take Loki to bed. But oh, how he wants and longs, for something far more, and far more worthwhile.

At age 26, Tony considers, for the first time, that maybe he does not have to stay the person, he’s become, if he finds it so distasteful and empty.

vii.

At age 26, Anthony Edward Stark lets his mother talk him into going to the circus with her and Howard.

”The circus? I’d have thought that was too common for you,” Tony comments, when she calls him up to extend the invitation.

Maria shakes her head. ”This is a different kind of circus,” she explains, tutting a bit. Like she can hardly believe Tony, even for a second, believed she’d set her 1000-dollar-shoe-clad foot in a common circus. ”Come, please. We should spend more time together as a family.”

Tony bites his tongue against a nasty comment. Whatever he feels towards his father, he does love his mother. And it has been a long time since he’s seen her in person. Plus, he can’t deny it’ll be fun to watch Howard grumble and check his watch throughout the performance, even if Tony isn’t likely to find it anymore interesting than him.

Maria turns out to be right, though. It’s a lot less _Water for Elephants_ , and a lot more _Cirque du Soleil_. And while Tony’s more than familiar with that sort of rich kid boredom that comes with watching impressive things so many times, that he starts to get bored, this somehow still manages to exceed his wildest expectations.

The show is full of incredible acts. A set of dancers, of which a redheaded ballerina particularly excels. A couple of big blonde men, juggling tools and weapons, never once afraid of dropping a hammer on their foot or letting a shield go astray. A stocky, short guy with sandy hair in charge of the knife throwing act seems incapable of missing, even if he tried – fortunately, as a, quite frankly, adorable dog is part of his show. There’s a black man with a freakish sort of control over his birds, and a young woman with a magic act so real, she could’ve been an actual witch.

And then, surprising all hell out of Tony, Loki walks onto the stage.

Loki. The guy Tony met a few nights ago. The guy he’s been calling and texting since. They guy Tony cannot stop thinking about.

He’s beautiful as ever, dressed in a green, black, and gold ensemble,like even the laws of physics could do nothing but stand aside, defeated, and watch this marvel of a man twirling in the air, climbing up and down, twisting himself into the ribbons, only to let himself fall, each time making Tony’s stomach simultaneously drop and soar, fear and awe a thrilling, heady, intoxicating combination.  
  
At age 26, Tony knows his life is forever changed, even if he has yet to discover just how much.

viii.

At age 26, Anthony Edward Stark slips away from his parents and manages to sneak backstages at a circus.

Because of course Tony’s life would take him in this direction. Of course it fucking would. It sure wouldn’t do to be predictable.

It’s, surprisingly, not that hard.

He does spot security, and a few of the acts and stagehands and other crew members do give him looks. But he’s famous, and he’s perfected the casual-yet-purposeful walk, and the I-am-meant-to-be-here attitude. So he doesn’t get any shit, and nobody questions why he’s here.

He manages to find Loki, after about five minutes, cursing a blue streak at some piece of equipment.

”Need any assistance?”  
  
Loki’s head flies up, and a peculiar, amusing mixture of surprise, pleasure, and annoyance crosses his features.

”Tony! What are you doing here?” There’s a hint of accusation in his tone, and Tony gets why. Tony wasn’t supposed to know, Loki works here.

Tony holds up his hands, surrender and peace offering. ”I came to watch the show. I had no idea you were in it.”

Loki eyes him, guarded, but seems to accept Tony’s explanation. ”Yes,” he says instead. It throws Tony for a loop.

”What?” he asks, and Loki rolls his eyes.

”Yes, I need assistance. The rainbow light machine has stopped spinning, like it’s meant to.”

”Ah,” Tony says, and nudges Loki aside. ”Let me. I’m good with machines.”

True to his word, the light is back in perfect working order in three minutes flat.

Loki gawks for a second; then he laughs, and pulls Tony in for a kiss. It catches Tony off guard, and it’s a bit clumsy, a kiss of spontaneous joy rather than intimate connection. It still sends Tony’s heart aflutter.

”Thank you,” Loki breathes. ”We lost our best tech guy a little while back, and I’ve been stuck making the mechanics work ever since.”

Tony shrugs, mildly flustered. Scratching the back of his neck, shuffling his feet a bit. He has the strangest sensation of wanting to both impress and hide from Loki at the same time. ”Yeah, well. ’Swhat I do.”

Loki grins. ”Maybe I’ll have to seduce you, then, until you accept to come work for us instead.”

It’s on the tip of Tony’s tongue to laugh it off. He has a life here, after all.  
  


Except… He’s hardly close with his family, he hates his job, and he has few friends.

If he really wanted to, would anything other than decorum and what-will-the-neighbors say be able to stop him?

”You know what,” he says instead. ”I don’t think you’d even have to try that hard.”

Loki’s eyes alight with mischief, and Tony’s gone, gone, gone.

At age 26, Tony runs away with the circus.

ix.

At age 27, Anthony Edward Stark is still the talk of New York City’s finer social settings.

Maria doesn’t like to talk about it; Tony knows, because he does still talk to her on the phone, and she refuses to have a conversation about anything too closely related to his new line of work.

Howard isn’t talking to him at all. Tony has accepted that.

The papers, however, are having a field day.

For weeks after he first ran away, the headlines talked about little else. Anthony Edward Stark, heir to Stark Industries, engineering prodigy, a shining beacon of hope for businessmen everywhere, ran away with the circus to be a stagehand and pursue an acrobat’s love.

It’s, coincidentally, been a year to the day, today, as they arrive back at the scene where Tony and Loki first met.

”Is it strange? To be back?” Loki asks, and Tony shakes his head. Then shrugs. Then nods.

”Mostly it’s strange to think about what I used to be. What my life used to be. It’s weird to think, that I was ever fine with leaving things as they were, now that I know how much better they can get.” He laughs a bit, shakes his head again. ”I’m a walking cliché, I ran away from my mean, bad, unhappy life to join the circus.”

Loki smiles. Then squeezes his hand.

”There’s no way you’re a cliché.”

”No?” Tony asks, half expecting some sort of sweet compliment to follow.

But this is Loki, so the other half of him knows exactly what’s coming.

”No. Running off with the circus is a cliché for heterosexual romances, and you fell for a man. You’re too gay to be cliché in this case.”  
  
Tony barks out a laugh, but pulls Loki in for a warm, sweet, adoring kiss.

”I love you,” he murmurs against Loki’s lips, and Loki’s whispers ”I love you back.”

It makes Tony grin, but then he pulls away, takes Loki’s hand, and together they start walking.

”I’d argue, though, that I’m not any less of a cliché, just because it’s a cliché with a bit of diversity,” he says. And so the argument starts right back up, a playful, fond bickering so homey, that Tony feels a final, tiny piece slot back into place inside his chest.

At age 27, Tony accepts that he, too, is deserving of love.


End file.
